As I've noted before, there are very few things new in life. There are resonances in the public sphere - Confidant: 147: Interesting thoughts on a Common Theme – even Dr Who has doubts!! (dear-confidant.blogspot.com)
My issues are uniquely mine but I am one of 8 billion people and (i) nobody cares and (ii) hundreds of millions are working through the same things and have done so through eternity.
Does not lessen my issues or disrespect them but perhaps there are lessons.
This was an interesting article about an artist called Miranda July who changed direction dramatically at about 50.
‘I was in a kind of ecstatic freefall’: artist Miranda July on writing the book that could change your life | Miranda July | The Guardian
This is a book about menopause and change but this passage resonated: 'Talking to these older women, she started to consider time in a new way. As a young person she’d thought ahead to the family she might have, the fantasy, maybe, of being a star. Now at 50, “When I look ahead the same number of years, then it’s death at the end. You start setting your goals.” To my polite open mouth she says, gently, “I’m giving you the sense of the headspace that I was in when I was writing, which was, ‘Who do I want to be as a dying person?’” Here is, maybe, the hidden, spiritual element of the book. “So much of what you thought was you was maybe really other people. That starts to become more clear. And the weird part is,” she chuckles earnestly, “there can be discomfort, but I think there’s a kind of psychedelic joy to it, too.” And this is what the novel, All Fours, revealed itself to be about.'
She moved out of the family home into a studio and separated - amicably - from her husband. To give herself the space.
And then there was this: I’ve joined the sisterhood of divorced women. We’re happier set free | Divorce | The Guardian by Tove Danovich
This passage resonated particularly: 'At one point during our separation, my now former spouse told me that I was acting selfishly. He meant it as an insult; it made me feel like I was doing the right thing. After my marriage ended, I found myself newly focused on prioritizing things that really mattered to me: making space for friends, creativity, and simple things that brought me joy like taking long walks outside, or playing music early in the morning when he’d been asleep.
'For years, I had put him ahead of myself – I didn’t let myself get upset about things I knew he wouldn’t change. I didn’t consider travel, which would keep me away from home for too long, even when I wanted to go, and I didn’t even let myself consider whether I wanted children since I knew my husband did not. For me, marriage was like getting on to a long highway and forgetting that other roads existed. Once I considered leaving, all I saw were the off-ramps and detours I could have taken along the way.'
For me, this was a highway I wanted - my life was fine and I wanted to / was ready to share. I did not realise I would become a servant, and an incompetent one at that!!! Confidant: 210: All the work and all the pain (dear-confidant.blogspot.com) and Confidant: 208: 'You're good at driving' and 'Just because it didn't work out for you' - know where I stand (dear-confidant.blogspot.com) -
The article reminded of the advice from an agony aunt I wrote to: 'Hi there A., You have a choice, it seems, between resentment or guilt. "How do I get past the guilt and sense of duty? What is the thought process I can cultivate?" In that situation, choose guilt every time.'
Confidant: 195: Writing to an agony aunt (dear-confidant.blogspot.com)
May I have the courage.
