213: The next time, what I will say

 My current assignment as a contractor is drawing to a close and it has been a difficult gig - I have not been that happy.

But I was on the phone with a friend who is also on this project and she is also not happy. So there was a bit of counselling going on and some complementary whingeing.

My wife was in the room.

'So what will you do?'

'I have a few days per week which will see me through the summer and then will look again from August.'

'You should do a permanent job. Constantly complaining about others. If you were so good, why are you in this situation.'

I kept silent but this is what I mean when I say I know what I will say the next time she makes a statement such as this. And it happens relatively often: Confidant: 208: 'You're good at driving' and 'Just because it didn't work out for you' - know where I stand (dear-confidant.blogspot.com)

'Listen, M., I am sorry. I am sorry I have been a failure. And that the only thing I am half good at is driving. You do not need to say it again.'

We go downstairs and, to make conversation, I say that our cleaner was stressed because 40 family members came down for her infant daughter's birthday and she had to do all the work.

'What's wrong with that. Like my mother used to cope with lots and lots of friends all the time. Shows love and friendship rather than being isolated.' She did not go on to say, 'like your family', though she was thinking it for sure.

Something of an irony this - on two counts. First, I was very glad that for the years 2 - 6 of our marriage my brother was in Italy, we were in India and then France and my parents bounced between the UK and India. When we were in the same country for that first year, I was always on tenterhooks when we met as a family because she would have hang-ups about most / all of them and find a reason to be angry.

Second, because I have driven dinner invites for neighbours or friends over the years far more than her.

Lack of usefulness or value is one thing but if I am accused of being a poor conversationalist, is it any wonder? If there is always some value judgement or an accusation at the end of any proferred thought: Confidant: 71: What I really think but cannot say (dear-confidant.blogspot.com) - 'You say I do not share things about my friends. I mention that I had only just found out that one of my friends and his wife had lost a baby within five days of her being born some ten years ago. After a little while, your reaction, ‘That’s why the wife is a little weird…’ Why should I, if all you can do is insult?

'You are in clover if you can judge people and you are proud of that – apparently that comes from your ‘life experience’, whereas I just go overboard in liking things and people, even such as a cricket hero of mine.'