82 - A Sort of Stasis

(originally written end-January 2016)

Separate rooms continue and my independent cooking, washing and ironing continue. No fights. No harsh words for a few weeks now. Even though we have a cleaner and I’m looking after myself, ‘housework is too much’; I still clean the toilets and bathrooms every week-end.

We are even having some conversations now and again but, really, I am beginning to lack the energy for them as well. Our son has done a great piece of art-work – he and I did this together. We wanted him to take it to school.

‘No,’ he said. But she insisted. He dug in more. But then offered a compromise. ‘You could send a photograph to the teacher.’ ‘No, I won’t do that. I think you should take it in. You might get a star from the teacher. Don’t come complaining to me later to tell me that someone else has received a star for something less impressive.’ This to and fro went on for a while.

All very stressful and high pitched and so I suggested that I would send in a photograph and if the teacher wanted our son to take it in, would he agree. ‘Yes,’ he said.

And then the conversation went really weird.

She came into my room later in the evening and said, ‘I wanted him to take it in, so he would get the credit. This is a lesson in life as well. I’ve been hearing about your mother’s First Class degree in Philosophy for 16 years. My mother stood first in her whole region / district and she studied Maths – a real subject. But she doesn’t go on about that. Modesty gets you nowhere.’

How did a child’s piece of extra-curricular craft work get to our mothers’ qualifications? I have never said anything about my mother’s academic achievements. She is what she is, I am what I am. What my parents may have achieved or not has absolutely nothing to do with me. They gave me a great start in life – as all parents try to do.

You may say I am over-reacting. ‘I only knew one CEO and now he’s been fired,’ I say one evening. ‘How old is he?’ ‘Nearing 60 I think.’ ‘What will he do?’ ‘I don’t know but I am sure he’ll cope – not as if he needs the money.’

‘Yes, but what about a standard of living? The prestige, the people he associated with. Just look at you, working where you are (a public sector, domestic organisation); the people have hardly been anywhere. The ones who came to our house last year – I have nothing to talk to them about. Previously, (a multi-national), you were with the right people, travelling, nice hotels. I am sure he wants to remain at that level.’

All consistent with: choosing a gym based on social class, judging teachers by what clothes they wear and which school they went to … and all, mind you, based on no contribution of her own but the accident of birth and marriage.