It was her birthday yesterday. Our son's school has not opened as yet after the Christmas holidays and so we agreed that we would go today (7th Jan) instead to a posh restaurant in town.
3 full weeks of holiday and shirts and trousers were not ironed for the return to school. I am half-way through the ironing when she realises what I am doing and shouts out, 'I will do that. You will not do my work - only if I ask you to. You are only doing this because you think me incapable.'
I don't - was simply trying to be helpful.
'You musn't think that you can't go for assignments out of town - that you have to be here for us. We are perfectly capable.'
I haven't turned down assignments and now that our son is 14 I would happily go away on consulting jobs during the week.
'Who packed away P.'s (our son) sleeping bag?' He did.
'You wouldn't have been able to anyway!' So, why ask the question?
'Because you keep doing our work.' [What I didn't say in response - yes, well, sorry to be helpful!]
This does not negate the fact that in the past I would only need to be out of the house a couple of evenings in the week and there would be drama. And for many years I would end up doing two shifts during the week and a significant amount of work on the weekends - Entry 47 Entry 43
(eg Entry 2 and this extract from Entry 21)
Presents and Support
In the past, every time I have bought a present, it has not been liked. Dress – you asked me not to buy any in the future; jewellery and watch – which we bought together – in a vault; handbag – returned and changed; flowers – you have specifically told me not to buy; spa – again, you have said you don’t want. A break on your own? Again, no. So, what is left, given that you do not have any particular interests / hobbies? Lingerie? A special meal with your friends for your 40th? No. We did buy the Mac specifically for you. However, if those ‘nos’ were really ‘yes’ then I’m sorry.
I can go back to buying presents and I had intended to anyway. Ask this, though, of your friends. Flowers on Valentine’s Day and breakfast and a lie-in on Mother’s Day sure but .... Always doing the night shift with the baby? Me. Sleeping with him when he is ill? Me. Lying in most week-ends to 10 at least? You. Going downstairs at 1:30 am every night for six / nine months? Me. Doing hours and hours of ironing when the pile gets too much? Mostly me. In the early years, cleaning toilets, hoovering? Me. Cleaning your pubic hair from the shower and period blood from the toilet? Me. (I had left a streak for you which you have removed I saw). For a while, I would come home and even have to prepare our son's food some evenings.
You may say that you never asked for this support. Trust me. If I had to work late three evenings in a row there would be stress at home and I would be the bad guy. It got to the point where I was working at the office (which is no holiday by the way) and then starting a substantial second shift at home – which would last till 9pm. I decided that this was not fair – particularly as our son has been full time in school since 2009. So I decided to go swimming and have gradually pulled back from the cooking and washing up. If you want me to go back to it, tell me
So, I don't know. I feel as if that, while everything appears to be fine, there is some frustration building. She is always sweetness and light to external people and much of her misery and anger would come out on us. Now that she is being careful about that aspect, and treating us with less contempt, I wonder if she is holding too much in.
There is a manic aspect to her cheeriness .... or am I just over-imagining?
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