114 - Dear Son - a letter to say 'thanks'

As life has not been miserable lately, I have not been posting so often. But there was a moment a couple of months ago which I have to record.


Your mother and I are sleeping in separate rooms during the week as that way we both get better nights’ sleep. This was at my instigation and your mother did not object. This is the new Mum, of course, the one who is mostly fun and a lot less angry than before.


I was tired one evening and went to bed early. Before you went to sleep, you came into my room, wrapped your arms around me and gave me a comforting hug before heading back to your own bed.

You did not realise that I was still awake and I did not say anything. But that little gesture moved me so much. You are my life, you are everything I could have hoped for and so much more. I will try my best not to let you down.
I started this blog for my own sanity. I needed to write down the stuff that was happening or it would just continue to well up inside me.

One day perhaps you will read it. I do not know what our lives will be at the time. I also do not propose to give any advice. Just know that I am trying my best for you and us and me. If that means, at this more peaceful time, neglecting you a little in favour of your mother – forgive me. It will never be more than ‘a little’ and I am doing it for the greater good.

Strangely, it is you who have taught me what love really is. You still shout ‘baba’ as I walk through the door. You give me, and ask for, hugs galore. You comfort me when I am down – somehow you sense it and give me a pat on the head or a hug. You still give me that open smile sometimes when I wake you up in the morning. You forgive me when I apologise for scolding you. It is a relationship that makes up for so much else and it is one I draw strength from every day.

I love you.