Entry 2: 11 years - tired, tired, tired

Went to bed last night after the first entry. She turned away - the silent treatment continues. Well, fuck you .... or not, to be more accurate.

A Saturday.

Today milady woke up at 1045. I had been up since 7:30 am with our 5 year old, given him breakfast, played a little, was getting the morning bath ready. Then came lunch preparation while she focused on Facebook.

Before you ask it, no, she does not have a job other than that of being a mother. Her choice - she told me off once for suggesting that she might consider going back and I haven't tried since. As a mother she is wonderful, as a wife.....?

I get home from work and I start a second shift. Feed our son - often preparing the dinner as well - bathe him/shower, read two stories and put to bed.

In the meantime, cooking for our meal - I am not allowed as I have been deemed incompetent - has started at 8. Eat at 9 and collapse at 10. For some reason it is only then that washing can be put up and that is followed by 'oh, I have so much work'- what was wrong with the whole day (or at least from 9 till 2:30?)
But the point is, mostly, I do not mind. From the birth of our son, I have done the waking up at nights. 99% of days I have been home between 6:30 and 7 for the evening meal and sleep. When the cleaner is unwell, I do the bathroom and the ironing; it was me recently who ironed from 9 till 10 and then studied from 10 till midnight as her cousin was coming and clothes and sheets had piled up.

In the early years before cleaners, I would do the vacuuming, toilet cleaning and ironing. And, of course, I didn't mind - that is just part of life.

I am tired, tired, tired. 11 years of being patient, 11 years of second guessing her moods, 11 years of clutching at the patches of good humour, 11 years of worrying what she will think, 11 years of being belittled.