Our son is going away for a week in March with school.
We had had some idea that we could too; this was in
pleasanter times.
So, suddenly, she says that we could go to California. A bit
far for a week but she does not want to go to Europe and SE Asia is even
further away.‘We never go anywhere.’ – USA East Coast, Prague, Marrakech, Spain, France in addition to India come to mind in the last few years
‘We don’t buy any presents.’ – Tiffany’s ring, multi-hundred pound handbags, multi-hundred pound shoes, clothes, pearl earrings …
‘We do nothing, we should be able to spend some money.’
I let all that go and did not say anything other than mild
acceptance that we could go – only money after all, though we are struggling to
make ends meet. Is it just my responsibility to keep us whole? Nothing from her
in terms of where we could possibly save some money?
What about the lovely house we live in? The many thousands
that we have poured into it? The good school that our son goes to? Is that not
spend? Or does all that not count?
Then, in throwing some papers away from a bin, I noted that
a couple of cards that my old team had given me had been put in there. This had
been done without my asking or telling me.
Work is about building relationships. It was very kind of my
team to give me a present when they left me and the thoughts expressed were
appreciative of how we had worked together. Why was she throwing these away?!
But there is a pattern. At the very start of our marriage,
she had thrown away a coffee mug that had been a present from a girl I had shared
the house with – a friend. A tea coaster that harked back to a funny incident
and presented by my cousin was similarly jettisoned. A collage frame with
pictures of my cousin and me has been in a box and not allowed to be displayed.
It is all about control and I should lose my temper but I
hold back. Why?
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