227: A Strange week

Two weeks now from my saying I wanted a separation. I am out of the country for most of the week and it has been peaceful enough the other days. We went to the theatre on the Monday and a film on the Friday.

On the way back from the film, there was a flash of the anger - arising from the person who does not really know what she wants but is most comfortable butting up against others.

For the Christmas holidays, our son is not keen on going away. I am ok with staying. She wants to go away. I am ok with that too. But it is not possible for me to be please both! Will leave to them to figure.

'If we don't go somewhere over Christmas, I will save up the days and go on my own somewhere far in February,' she says.

'Great,' I respond. 'There are these organisations like Jules Verne and Intrepid.

'Your cousin is getting married in India in December - you could go there?' I suggest.

'Tickets are too expensive, I could go to Hawaii for that.'

'Ok'.

'I could go in December but I want to spend time with our son.'

'Sure,' I say, 'but there's nothing stopping you either.' (thinking that being depressed about not going anywhere is not going to help anyone.)

'Is it ok,' she retorts angrily, 'that I might want to stay with our son?'

'Sure.'

A common theme this in so many aspects of our lives. It is just a severe case of FOMO - Confidant: 186: FOMO - that has afflicted her all her life. Instead of thinking, deciding and choosing a path, it is always about what could be better and what she might be missing out on.

I ask about counselling today. 'Leave me to me,' she responds angrily. 'That has nothing to do with you. I am more than happy to look at couple's counselling.'

'We could look on the BACP register but that seems a bit random. I will ask an acquaintance and see what she advises.'

And then, out of the blue, she says, 'One thing I always regret is you being horrible to your father at the back end of his life when he was suffering from dementia. No one should be treated like that. And that was not you.'

I have no idea how that is connected to any of our issues. I was very careful that she did not have to do anything that might be an imposition when it came to my parents. The last summer of 2017 - the worst summer before he passed away in December of that year - my parents stayed much of the time with me while she was away in India. I escorted them to India in September.

Yes, my behaviour towards my father was atrocious and something that I will regret for the rest of my days. And I have written about it before: Confidant: 122: My Father 1 Confidant: 123: My Father 2 ... and Lessons.

But I remain mystified as to what that has to do with us.