68: Our Son, our lovely, lovely son

Our son this week-end wants to do his homework with me.

'No. If you do that, do not expect any help from me.

'You can get your things ready for school, don't expect me to drive you everywhere.'

He was made to feel small, small, small.

But run of behaviours is not as bad as it has been - http://dear-confidant.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/change-of-target-from-me-to-our-son.html#!/2015/03/change-of-target-from-me-to-our-son.html - and so I let it go.

Reminds me of Christmas 2014 where she had got some free tickets for a film on Boxing Day - 26th December. But our son was really tired after a week-end away and said that he did not want to go.

'Ok don't go - but if you don't, you will not go to this film at all.'

So a tired, nine year old kid had to go to an 8:30 pm show - for a ticket that was free.

One evening a whole diatribe was streaming down the stairs and all our son (P.) could do was put his head into my chest until the storm abated.

The other evening he was reading a book in bed in the evening. 'I have to make the bed. You have to move.' He did not. Then, an explosion. 'You HAVE to do as I say - I do all the work.' The bed could not have been made sometime during the day? (As it happens, beds are only made if the cleaner is coming.)

From a previous post:

The other morning - a Sunday - our son did his piano practice with me in the room. She then strutted in and shouted, 'You haven't done this and that and that and that.' He kept saying he had but she was vicious in her condemnation. So he burst out crying and said to me, 'she always does this, I play something and she says I have not.'

Previously I may have asked him to play again. But, this time, I asked whether he truly, truly had. He said 'yes' and so I continued to cuddle him. The look she gave me could only be described, again, as vicious. Another evening I heard him say, 'will you please stop scolding me constantly?'

Unlike me in my youth, I suspect he will fight back and so she is well on the way to creating a difficult relationship.

'You clearly haven't shampooed properly - this bit is dry.' 'I have.' 'Don't lie, no you haven't.' At which point I walk into the room and show her a photograph of a head full of shampoo - which I had taken as a precaution as she would not believe him. If you're not going to be believed at any point then, soon, you will start to get away with things. I have told him that I trust him and will believe him - but he must not abuse that trust by not - for example - brushing his teeth. He does things faithfully if only he is allowed to do things and not under an assumption that he has gamed/cheated - something he will start doing and she just will not know!!

P. made a film-in-a-day. He does not want to show that to his mum – just share with me.

I do not say anything to P. against his mother. But I cannot describe how difficult it is.
 

Another evening she said, ‘Storm Desmond (a very large recent strom) will blow you away if you don’t listen to me.’P.’s response was, ‘No, it won’t. It will blow you away and baba and I will live happily ever after.’

I have to protect him and protect myself. I should have been stronger a long time ago.