220: It's a quarter after 3 - and a moment ....

 It's a quarter after 3 and I can't sleep.

A propos of nothing really, that line reminded me of Lady A – Need You Now Lyrics | Genius Lyrics - though it is not a 'quarter after one'!

My son came back from India today. He had gone with his mother and came back on his own - she returns early next week.

As I write this. I can hear him sleeping in the other room, gently snoring. During the day he is busy sorting out his courses and options after Confidant: 218: A Fabulous Day (dear-confidant.blogspot.com) as well as applying to financial institutions for internships and so on. 

It is one of those rare moments in life where everything seems in balance - I remember one such when I was 18 or so; somehow issues and troubles and concerns and worries what ... melt away? no, maybe just form a continuum - and it is just me and ... what ... time? I am grateful.

So, I had to go downstairs, get the laptop and write.

I don't know what the next phase of life will bring. Yes, I believe I would be best on my own but let's see what is the best way to make that unfold. It doesn't really matter in a sense - life is good, almost fun - but, at the same time, I am sure of what needs to happen to stop regrets later.

I came across the document below - which must date from early 2017. And my 'ideal scenario' has pretty much worked out - maybe 70%. Not the 'thought leadership' and academic work so much but the contractor world, away from corporate and the necessary uplift in cashflow.

Some time before I got married, I remember being in an airport lounge with these 40 year olds ringing home and saying good night to their kids. Nothing wrong with that and I am not at all judging but I hoped that, if ever the time came, I would be able to be a present father. Confidant: 92 - Struggling and Tired (dear-confidant.blogspot.com). As luck and providence would have it, it came to pass.

So, what next? Dare I write down again? Can I be lucky for a third time in this, my last phase of life?

1. Need to make the change - strike out on my own.
2. Need a radical change in working life - I do not have the money to rest though they say, do they not, that a change is as good as a rest!
3. Need to achieve the U - Confidant: 206: Readying for a book club (dear-confidant.blogspot.com)

I do not know the path yet but that is the vision.

But let the days come, enjoy the present - a healthy and happy child, good health all round and money to keep us going will do fine too. I am thankful.

Better get some sleep!