180: A Timely Reminder

 I wrote yesterday about staying because of guilt.

Well, this morning I got a timely reminder of why, despite good times now and again, I need to make a move.

Our son is in the middle of important exams and, by all accounts from school, has worked pretty well through the year. He is on a mid-term break and She is working from home.

When she isn't here, he gets up of his own accord mostly and is down to his books by 10:30 or so. Today, there was much nagging and he stayed in bed. Then there was some diatribe which went for many minutes as she vented about something. I was in a meeting on zoom and so I did not get the subject. But it almost doesn't matter - it was loud and it was rude.

Yes, he takes time to do what he is told but that would be in common with 99.5% of teenagers around the globe. And, of course, nagging is the most effective way of getting someone to do something - everyone knows that!

She creates the tension and the drama but then expects everyone to get on with things as if nothing has happened. Does she speak to anyone like that outside her immediate circle? Yes, as it happens - call centre people or shop assistants. The common denominator - people who will not answer back.

I also discipline our son from time to time but in a fashion that is more low-key, trying to explain - as I would in a professional setting.

But, anyway, though a small incident, if I needed a reminder, this was it. A leopard does not change its spots and I need to escape before I am devoured.

Evening update: My son is clearly made of stoic material - as I have noted before when he has come under stress. I wrote that, 'Our son – unlike me – is a bounce-backer and in that sense more like you. He will take your punishment and then be as cheerful as before but how long will he carry on like that?'  in a rather long post: 71: What I really think but cannot say

So, by the evening she was chatting away to him about our upcoming summer holidays and he was fine with her. I would have stewed for days. But then she has told me in the past that confrontation is good and just because I don't like it does not mean that she will not carry on doing it.

The pleasant atmosphere at the end of the day creates amnesia ... perhaps I am just a snowflake but there will be a next time and a next time and a next time ... after twenty one years can there be a last time?