Been seeing a few hits recently on this blog.
While this has been entirely an exercise in self-counselling and a stress reliever, I have always kept it open and kept it anonymous.
But, hey, if you are reading and feel like chucking in a comment, please do so - it would be good to share some thoughts.
I am one of many millions in this position ... I get that. But, like everything else in life, the experience is both common and individual.
To reprise a famous quote from Joseph Conrad: 'Only the young have such moments. I don’t mean the very young. No. The very young have, properly speaking, no moments. It is the privilege of early youth to live in advance of its days in all the beautiful continuity of hope which knows no pauses and no introspection.
'One closes behind one the little gate of mere boyishness—and enters an enchanted garden. Its very shades glow with promise. Every turn of the path has its seduction. And it isn’t because it is an undiscovered country. One knows well enough that all mankind had streamed that way. It is the charm of universal experience from which one expects an uncommon or personal sensation—a bit of one’s own.
'One goes on recognizing the landmarks of the predecessors, excited, amused, taking the hard luck and the good luck together—the kicks and the half-pence, as the saying is—the picturesque common lot that holds so many possibilities for the deserving or perhaps for the lucky. Yes. One goes on. And the time, too, goes on—till one perceives ahead a shadow-line warning one that the region of early youth, too, must be left behind.'
For sure, I am at the other end of life to the 'young' and many shadow-lines have come and gone, but 'the landmarks of the predecessors' and the 'picturesque common lot ...' still hold true. 'One knows well enough that all mankind has streamed that way.'
I feel I know what I must do, cliched though that is ... but can I?
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