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Monday 16 May 2016

95 - Funny (but sad) Little Reminders and Incidents


This will be really petty but things have been a little heavy of late.

Preparing some bagel with cream cheese and salmon for our son. ‘Mama makes it better than you,’ says our son. ‘Fair enough,’ I respond,’but mama is busy, so why don’t you help me to get it right?’ And I made no more of it.

A little while later, She decides to make a point of this.

‘So, I make bagel and salmon better than your dad?’ she asks, looking triumphantly at me. ‘Yes,’ he responds, ‘but (without any prompting from me by way of words or looks), dad makes better bacon sandwiches, Bolognese, chicken …’

I do not respond or react but his response was interesting in that he appeared to be defending me.

She and our son have this very frequent homework drama. She is busy doing something else when he is doing his homework, doesn’t really help him, then corrects late in the evening and ritual drama ensues around, ‘you must take more care, look how long I am having to work because of you etc.’

I would probably let him make his careless mistakes so his teacher could correct them and he would soon learn; now, he knows his mum will correct him. Or, as I usually do when I sit down with him, correct as we go along as I am focusing on him and his work.

So, anyway, he and I work through a work-sheet on Sunday morning and she sits down to correct on Sunday evening. She does notice one mistake I had missed but there are several others in another sheet.

‘Look, I thought you and baba had corrected these sheets but I am finding lots of mistakes. And my show is starting on TV. If I had known you had not, I would have done this earlier.’ (No, she would not have – history attests to that!)

My son and I are both compelled to point out that the sheet with several mistakes was completed under her supervision. There is a half-hearted attempt at laying the blame with, ‘I thought you would check it.’ But she does not pursue that, knowing she was in the wrong.

This continuous need to be correct, better than another rather than oneself, to search for blame … how is that the natural state?

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