76 - Beyond the Pale

I can take all the insults and the barbed comments - though I can no longer take the anger. But what has recently angered me beyond rage is her beliefs about our son (P.) and me.

In the past, she has suggested I would buy presents for my god-daughter in preference to P.. I stopped buying presents for my god-daughter - as I wrote earlier - to avoid the stress. That was wrong of me but it's too late now.

Recently she listened to a radio programme about wills and went on at me about making one to protect P.. That if anything were to happen to us / her, everything must go to P. This was a clear hint to me that she expected me to run away and start a new family to P's detriment. Am I imagining it? I listened to the same programme on the internet and, sure enough, one of the items was a piece about a man marrying again and his first daughter getting 25% of the inheritance. Then, the other day, she said, 'don't bother making a Christmas card including P and me - he's mine.'

I simply told her that her accusing me of or even suggesting that I would do anything to harm P was beyond anger. I said this calmly in a matter of fact way. My life is P - there is no one else - he is the only one who gives me some meaning and a measure of love. To think that I would disadvantage him is beyond anger and beneath contempt.