My mum and dad are pretty old - 74 and 84 respectively. They spend half of their year in India and half here and, while here, do feel the need to have us visit relatively often. Mainly to spend time with their grandson.
Having not visited for a couple of weeks, I suggested going on Saturday and staying over - but she said that she had work on Sunday.
On Sunday, then, I woke up at 8 am, took our son to a film at 11, bought lunch to bring back home - to find that washing was still lying around and she still had not had a shower. Very busy.
We are going to India on holiday in the summer and by procrastinating the prices have gone from £420 to £587. We are supposed to be going to France in Easter and it has been a month that she has been looking at rental apartments.
Is it laziness? Is it depression? I don't know - and, increasingly, I do not have the energy to care.
Tuesday 15 February 2011
Saturday 5 February 2011
Entry 3: A First Attempt at Space
Two weeks now and the silence continues. Her cousin being here helps to alleviate the atmosphere a little.
I have decided that I will start to go out a little and not always be at her beck and call. So, last Saturday I said that I would be going for some cricket nets on the Sunday and that I would have to leave at 11:30 am. She said that she would go to Sainsbury's first as a friend's son was coming around. So far, so good.
Madam woke up on the Sunday at just before 11 - I had woken up, given our son breakfast, showered him and played with him by then as well as making breakfast for her cousin - and informed me that I would have to go to Sainsbury's. This made me half an hour late for the cricket.
A small thing I admit - though it incensed me at the time. But it is these little acts of callousness which have made me fed up with it all. I am taken for granted and I have had enough.
About ten days ago she spilt curry gravy over one of the walls in the dining room. This clearly means that we will have to get the whole room painted as the marks will not go. And that's fine - a number of rooms would have needed painting in the summer anyway. I got in touch with a handyman I know in two days and I asked her to get in touch with someone she knows asap so we could compare quotes. Has she done so? Has she fuck.
This is also a consistent pattern. It took her four months to get a gardener in to clean the garden properly and professionally. It has been 16 months and she still has not called the electricians to fit some lights. I brought some pictures and hanging items out of the garage in August so she could decide where they would go and I would hammer the requisite nails - no decision yet. I even took a day off work in October or November to do this work and she did Facebook all day. She procrastinates and then creates a drama. Went to John Lewis to look at lampshades before Christmas and she said she would order on the internet - has she? No - but it will be my fault that we do not have nice lights. I could do it but she took the responsibility and she must see it through.
I am just sick and tired and wish she would just go away.
I have decided that I will start to go out a little and not always be at her beck and call. So, last Saturday I said that I would be going for some cricket nets on the Sunday and that I would have to leave at 11:30 am. She said that she would go to Sainsbury's first as a friend's son was coming around. So far, so good.
Madam woke up on the Sunday at just before 11 - I had woken up, given our son breakfast, showered him and played with him by then as well as making breakfast for her cousin - and informed me that I would have to go to Sainsbury's. This made me half an hour late for the cricket.
A small thing I admit - though it incensed me at the time. But it is these little acts of callousness which have made me fed up with it all. I am taken for granted and I have had enough.
About ten days ago she spilt curry gravy over one of the walls in the dining room. This clearly means that we will have to get the whole room painted as the marks will not go. And that's fine - a number of rooms would have needed painting in the summer anyway. I got in touch with a handyman I know in two days and I asked her to get in touch with someone she knows asap so we could compare quotes. Has she done so? Has she fuck.
This is also a consistent pattern. It took her four months to get a gardener in to clean the garden properly and professionally. It has been 16 months and she still has not called the electricians to fit some lights. I brought some pictures and hanging items out of the garage in August so she could decide where they would go and I would hammer the requisite nails - no decision yet. I even took a day off work in October or November to do this work and she did Facebook all day. She procrastinates and then creates a drama. Went to John Lewis to look at lampshades before Christmas and she said she would order on the internet - has she? No - but it will be my fault that we do not have nice lights. I could do it but she took the responsibility and she must see it through.
I am just sick and tired and wish she would just go away.
Saturday 29 January 2011
Entry 2: 11 years - tired, tired, tired
Went to bed last night after the first entry. She turned away - the silent treatment continues. Well, fuck you .... or not, to be more accurate.
A Saturday.
Today milady woke up at 1045. I had been up since 7:30 am with our 5 year old, given him breakfast, played a little, was getting the morning bath ready. Then came lunch preparation while she focused on Facebook.
Before you ask it, no, she does not have a job other than that of being a mother. Her choice - she told me off once for suggesting that she might consider going back and I haven't tried since. As a mother she is wonderful, as a wife.....?
I get home from work and I start a second shift. Feed our son - often preparing the dinner as well - bathe him/shower, read two stories and put to bed.
In the meantime, cooking for our meal - I am not allowed as I have been deemed incompetent - has started at 8. Eat at 9 and collapse at 10. For some reason it is only then that washing can be put up and that is followed by 'oh, I have so much work'- what was wrong with the whole day (or at least from 9 till 2:30?)
But the point is, mostly, I do not mind. From the birth of our son, I have done the waking up at nights. 99% of days I have been home between 6:30 and 7 for the evening meal and sleep. When the cleaner is unwell, I do the bathroom and the ironing; it was me recently who ironed from 9 till 10 and then studied from 10 till midnight as her cousin was coming and clothes and sheets had piled up.
I am tired, tired, tired. 11 years of being patient, 11 years of second guessing her moods, 11 years of clutching at the patches of good humour, 11 years of worrying what she will think, 11 years of being belittled.
A Saturday.
Today milady woke up at 1045. I had been up since 7:30 am with our 5 year old, given him breakfast, played a little, was getting the morning bath ready. Then came lunch preparation while she focused on Facebook.
Before you ask it, no, she does not have a job other than that of being a mother. Her choice - she told me off once for suggesting that she might consider going back and I haven't tried since. As a mother she is wonderful, as a wife.....?
I get home from work and I start a second shift. Feed our son - often preparing the dinner as well - bathe him/shower, read two stories and put to bed.
In the meantime, cooking for our meal - I am not allowed as I have been deemed incompetent - has started at 8. Eat at 9 and collapse at 10. For some reason it is only then that washing can be put up and that is followed by 'oh, I have so much work'- what was wrong with the whole day (or at least from 9 till 2:30?)
But the point is, mostly, I do not mind. From the birth of our son, I have done the waking up at nights. 99% of days I have been home between 6:30 and 7 for the evening meal and sleep. When the cleaner is unwell, I do the bathroom and the ironing; it was me recently who ironed from 9 till 10 and then studied from 10 till midnight as her cousin was coming and clothes and sheets had piled up.
I am tired, tired, tired. 11 years of being patient, 11 years of second guessing her moods, 11 years of clutching at the patches of good humour, 11 years of worrying what she will think, 11 years of being belittled.
Friday 28 January 2011
Entry 1: Walking Cliche
What can I say? I am a walking cliche. 42 years old, a middle manger in a large organisation in a large city. Married, one child (private school), a terraced house and just over a £90k salary. Leave the house at 7:45 am and come back at 7 pm.
Life has stopped those critical few of significant success but all three of us are healthy, we have good friends and loving families. We should be happy because we have much of what we could possibly want and yet, we are miserable.
Married 11 years and I am falling out of love with my wife.
Life has stopped those critical few of significant success but all three of us are healthy, we have good friends and loving families. We should be happy because we have much of what we could possibly want and yet, we are miserable.
Married 11 years and I am falling out of love with my wife.
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