A significant amount of money was spent over Christmas - that's ok.
Except for perhaps one year when we moved to this bigger house, we have not really had to be too careful with money. We are not rich but we are ok. I do not think, though, that she appreciates the value of money.
And there are irritating inconsistencies. Not much economising on the credit card bill but going all out on saving small amounts - Confidant: 185: Two pounds fucking fifty ... (dear-confidant.blogspot.com)
As it happens, in the link above, I share a couple of incidents where, I believe, she lives in her own world and imagines herself to be something other than what she is.
And there was another example recently. For the first ten years or more of our son's life, when she was not working, she would go away to India for the summer - six weeks or so - to spend time with her parents and brothers and friends. No problem - I missed my son but was glad of the quiet from her. The other day she tells my cousin - who has a small child - that she used to go back to India like my parents and I used to go back; as if she were following my example rather than the fact that she was making the decision all on her own. And that, over the past few years, she had told me that she would not be returning every summer - as if I had been the one telling her to do so!!!
And the two strands of wasteful spend and an imaginary world combine when this huge cooking thing arrives at the door - it is huge and presumably significantly expensive. Turns out to be a new kitchen mixer / food processor.
The previous one was old but, more pertinently, was hardly ever used. And, to make more space on the kitchen top, I had placed it in a side cupboard. It wasn't used in, literally, years. Ultimately, she was the one who left it outside the house - and someone who needed it took it away.
But she probably considers herself something of a major cook - she is not - and this new one has arrived. Presumably she has read about it somewhere or seen a friend having it. I obviously have not said anything - let's see how often it is used!
Anyway, it is not about the money - it is this constant hankering.
I was talking to an old friend today. He and his wife do not give each other presents - they buy things as they need it through the year. As we do too. Some people simply do not grow up - and She is one such person.
And so while I think that what I need is separation and nothing else needs to change, one part of me says that formal divorce is better - separation and formalisation of the money side will free me up; otherwise I will always be worrying about what she needs and not what I can afford for myself.
I also write in the linked post about the need for control. Our cleaner of many years perhaps could not take my wife's 'advice' any more and suddenly up and left. Now, this cleaner had done this sudden-leaving in the past from other friends' houses - so, maybe, it was just a thing that she does. Then a new cleaner comes - and, literally, on the second visit says that she cannot work here - having received multiple instructions on how to do things. Whereas, I have survived almost 25 years now - first through duty and then through not being able to contemplate living apart from our son.
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