161: Trying - just trying

I was doing some cooking the other day - pizzas for lunch.

Mainly our son likes margherita but, for my wife and me, I usually add some ham or something on top.

I couldn't find peperoni and so added some normal Milano.

'Why couldn't you find the peperroni? 'Near enough is good enough' does not work in cooking.' (said not in a terribly nasty way but certainly with a tone.)

Reminds me of many years ago when my cousin and her family were visiting from the US and they were due to come over to our's along with my parents. I said I would take care of all the cooking and shopping etc. for what would be about 12 people in total - she would not have to lift a finger.

For weeks or months beforehand I heard about how all of it would be an utter failure, that we should get food in or some such. I wrote about it in https://dear-confidant.blogspot.com/2015/12/what-i-really-think-but-cannot-say.html - para. 14.

And it really wasn't - all was good. And as for the pizza, once it was cooked she was happily eating up the last crumb. The whole doing-down is almost unconscious - like breathing!!

I wrote in https://dear-confidant.blogspot.com/2014/09/38-one-that-got-away.html that, 'Close to twenty years later, I know what to look for in a relationship – support, common purpose, a haven, friendship, the confidence of doing right rather than the continuous fear of doing wrong, someone to find comfort in rather than feel lonely with.'

And that is it - I grew up in that context of being fearful of being wrong and she is of the same ilk! I hope my son does not feel the same way - he may be stronger than me.

A good friend and I were discussing mid-life and the worries and sense (or loss) of purpose etc. and I shared 

https://dear-confidant.blogspot.com/2017/02/110-mid-life-another-common-story.html and the links to the external articles within.

Then I came across an article about a cricketer in England who had suffered from depression and panic attacks, Like any sportsman, he did well sometimes and not so well at other times. One of the passages in the piece said that, during a bad patch, a friend had said to him, 'this does not define you.' 'I was thinking that if I don't perform, that makes me a crappy person and they said: 'you can still be a good husband or brother or son.' I thought, 'I'd rather be a good one of them than a good cricketer.'

I think back to my counselling sessions - https://dear-confidant.blogspot.com/2016/05/97-counselling-sessions-2.html - where I felt it was only with my close friends that the above would be true. In any other environment, achievement - I have felt, rightly or wrongly - is the entry to being liked.

And, of course, my own wife said, ‘And you don’t exactly do great work. Aren’t you ashamed that you’ve not had a pay rise for five years? Anyone doing a proper job would not have so much time for friends. People go to work not for friends. Don’t kid yourself that you are in a serious job.’ https://dear-confidant.blogspot.com/2015/09/huge-row-getting-worse.html