Entry 8: Help!

No, we haven't spoken about our issues. Life continues peaceably enough but there is no laughter and no fun. But things are definitely not getting better.

She fell really ill on Thursday (3rd) and spent the whole day in bed - some sort of viral. Better on Friday but down again on Friday evening. Drama, drama, drama - 'man-flu' in a woman.

So on Saturday I do about three hours of ironing from all the stuff that had been piling up for weeks. (the cleaner usually only has time to do a few things each week and then I - not she - have to blitz.) This in addition to taking our son to the shops to buy a toy, give him a shower, get him ready, keep him entertained, run the wash and do the drying and prepare lunch for us all. She was too ill to help in any of this but not too ill to work out some complicated train timings for a friend of hers and do Facebook.

And the point is, I do not mind. I do not need thanks and nor do I need praise. But it is the additional heap of criticisms and accusations of being uncaring which truly make me angry. Like, today, early in the morning, I unload the dishwasher, get our son ready for school and drop him off. And then are snide comments about my having forgotten to give him his water bottle and a snack. Yes, I did forget and I should not have but, really, is it fair to focus only on that?

So I come home from work, immediately get down to feeding our son. Am informed that she is still not well and will not be having any dinner. I get a bite from the fridge, have dinner with our son, read him a story, put him to bed and then go back down to the kitchen to clear up. All this time she is too ill to eat or help but well enough to do Facebook.

I met an old friend of mine for lunch last Friday and shared with her some of my frustrations. This is something I have not done before - mostly because I do not see the point of burdening someone else with my stuff but partly out of respect for my wife. The only confidant a person should need is his or her partner. I would have had to let everything out for the lunch to be truly therapeutic but some is better than none.

Help!