August 2012 now and I appreciate that it has been a while since I posted.
Life is far better as I refuse to get hassled.
FINALLY, a painter and decorator has been called and should start next week. FINALLY, after the garden grew knee high, a gardener was called.
The day to day stuff continues to annoy. A couple of Saturdays ago, I:
1 - gave my son breakfast
2 - got him ready
3 - went to the gym just to get away
4 - prepared lunch
5 - took my son swimming
6 - prepared dinner
7 - put him to bed
And she had the temerity to say that the food was not very nice. What did she do all day? Faffed about on the intranet.
But I did not criticise, I did not look grumpy and, in fact, we ended up making love that night and so my frustrations could not have come out through during the day!
Again, I do not mind the work - it is the criticism and taking for granted that irritates.
But, anyway, she appears happy, I get less upset and all that adds up to a relatively harmonious home life. I am tired and sad that this is all there is but that's the way it is.
Thursday 2 August 2012
Thursday 26 January 2012
Entry 19: Pattern continues
The relatively harmonious environment continues but the time management is no better.
I came home the other day - after a crappy day at work - to find that lunch dishes were still in the sink, dinner had not even been started and son not fed. This on a day when our son was on holiday - admittedly - but had watched 3 DVDs during the day - Monsters vs Aliens, Bolt and The Incredibles. No doubt she was doing Facebook.
The pattern continues of not working during the day even when she doesn't go out and then all work in the evening. So my day does not really end until 9 - 9:30.
But, hey, my attempt at equanimity continues and life is fine. It may also be fine because of the amount of shopping done recently. £700 worth of shoes arrived at home the other day - though about £530 of that went back. New clothes, new coats. Shopping as recreation has started again.
My parents came back from a long holiday and so we needed to get the house ready for them. I just gave up on asking her to do anything - I was just grateful that she was willing to go to the airport as a surprise and then stay overnight.
So I came home from work on the Friday night and went shopping. Woke up early on Saturday morning, did the cooking, provided breakfast for our son, worked with him on his homework, got him ready, went shopping again for provisions and prepared lunch. All the while, I am not quite sure what she did but she certainly did not work.
Rooms go unpainted, lights are not put up, study tables are not bought - all projects that are her accountability. But holiday tickets are snapped up months in advance. My only theory is that she finds routine tasks boring and hence procrastination is the order of the day. But holidays and shopping are exciting and thus get done efficiently.
When will she grow up? Lord give me strength.
I came home the other day - after a crappy day at work - to find that lunch dishes were still in the sink, dinner had not even been started and son not fed. This on a day when our son was on holiday - admittedly - but had watched 3 DVDs during the day - Monsters vs Aliens, Bolt and The Incredibles. No doubt she was doing Facebook.
The pattern continues of not working during the day even when she doesn't go out and then all work in the evening. So my day does not really end until 9 - 9:30.
But, hey, my attempt at equanimity continues and life is fine. It may also be fine because of the amount of shopping done recently. £700 worth of shoes arrived at home the other day - though about £530 of that went back. New clothes, new coats. Shopping as recreation has started again.
My parents came back from a long holiday and so we needed to get the house ready for them. I just gave up on asking her to do anything - I was just grateful that she was willing to go to the airport as a surprise and then stay overnight.
So I came home from work on the Friday night and went shopping. Woke up early on Saturday morning, did the cooking, provided breakfast for our son, worked with him on his homework, got him ready, went shopping again for provisions and prepared lunch. All the while, I am not quite sure what she did but she certainly did not work.
Rooms go unpainted, lights are not put up, study tables are not bought - all projects that are her accountability. But holiday tickets are snapped up months in advance. My only theory is that she finds routine tasks boring and hence procrastination is the order of the day. But holidays and shopping are exciting and thus get done efficiently.
When will she grow up? Lord give me strength.
Thursday 29 December 2011
Entry 18: December 29, 2011 - A Look Back
So.... we reach the end of the year and things are certainly better now than they were at the beginning.
We have just come back from a great (and expensive) holiday in sunny climes and she has received a very expensive handbag for Christmas .... from me.
As this blog is about minutae, let me describe a bit of a blow up on the day before we flew. I had ordered some DVDs from a couple of TV serials dating from the eighties and was watching them peacefully. She had no interest in them but kept asking how many episodes I had watched. In the end, I admit, I did lose patience and said that given she had no interest in them, really had no emotional connection with the series or the time or the place, please could she not feign interest and ask me annoying questions? This did no go down well and I was told that I was grumpy, she was only trying to be interested in what I was doing and so on.
I did berate myself for a while - just a couple of words, 'Episode 4', would have saved the subsequent strife!
This may also have been a reflection of a comment I had made the previous day. She told off our son quite strongly for not tidying up. While I did not say anything in front of him, I did suggest to her later that she should take some of her own advice before criticising our son!
Anyway, off we flew on holiday - a beautiful hotel and beautiful weather. I had decided to spend some money and buy a (stupidly) expensive (£600) handbag - and she was happy as a child to receive it. And all is well! She had also bought me sweater or two and some shirts - nothing I needed but, hey, I just went with the flow. So now I have resolved to be even more careful about my words while not being a vegetable either.
The irony, though, is that she is now doing what I would have suggested to her in the first place. She likes the handbag but, post-Christmas, there has been a marked reduction in price and so she has resolved to return it, get a refund, choose a smaller bag but buy a wallet too. But had I suggested that she wait for the sales and then choose something herself, I would have been accused of not being romantic, of not caring and so on.
I really do not know when she will grow up or how? Or when she will learn to manage time properly and get things done that need to be done. Do I have to continue to 'manage' her?
We have just come back from a great (and expensive) holiday in sunny climes and she has received a very expensive handbag for Christmas .... from me.
As this blog is about minutae, let me describe a bit of a blow up on the day before we flew. I had ordered some DVDs from a couple of TV serials dating from the eighties and was watching them peacefully. She had no interest in them but kept asking how many episodes I had watched. In the end, I admit, I did lose patience and said that given she had no interest in them, really had no emotional connection with the series or the time or the place, please could she not feign interest and ask me annoying questions? This did no go down well and I was told that I was grumpy, she was only trying to be interested in what I was doing and so on.
I did berate myself for a while - just a couple of words, 'Episode 4', would have saved the subsequent strife!
This may also have been a reflection of a comment I had made the previous day. She told off our son quite strongly for not tidying up. While I did not say anything in front of him, I did suggest to her later that she should take some of her own advice before criticising our son!
Anyway, off we flew on holiday - a beautiful hotel and beautiful weather. I had decided to spend some money and buy a (stupidly) expensive (£600) handbag - and she was happy as a child to receive it. And all is well! She had also bought me sweater or two and some shirts - nothing I needed but, hey, I just went with the flow. So now I have resolved to be even more careful about my words while not being a vegetable either.
The irony, though, is that she is now doing what I would have suggested to her in the first place. She likes the handbag but, post-Christmas, there has been a marked reduction in price and so she has resolved to return it, get a refund, choose a smaller bag but buy a wallet too. But had I suggested that she wait for the sales and then choose something herself, I would have been accused of not being romantic, of not caring and so on.
I really do not know when she will grow up or how? Or when she will learn to manage time properly and get things done that need to be done. Do I have to continue to 'manage' her?
Monday 28 November 2011
Entry 17: Time Management ... again
Come home and - apparently - she has been home all day. But the dining table - full of papers - has not been tidied, the guest room is full of drying clothes, food shopping was done after picking up from school and cooking for dinner has only just started.
What has she been doing all day? No doubt clothes folding will start at 10 pm.
I could do it but I will inevitably be told - as in the past - that my folding is inadequate.
I am a messy person myself but this is getting even beyond me.
Time management is the worst I have EVER seen.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
What has she been doing all day? No doubt clothes folding will start at 10 pm.
I could do it but I will inevitably be told - as in the past - that my folding is inadequate.
I am a messy person myself but this is getting even beyond me.
Time management is the worst I have EVER seen.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Sunday 27 November 2011
Entry 16: Wit's End
A minor thing and I have to get my frustration out.
Most of the day - a Saturday - I play with our son; homework, piano practice, lunch, model making etc.. Most of the day she fiddles around and does Facebook. But, then, 10:30 pm or so, she comes upstairs with a packing for a birthday present. No doubt she considers that she has been very busy and can ONLY do this so late but, in reality, that is not the case.
And, in a way, it doesn't matter as I do not want her to be a traditional housewife - even if my blog suggests otherwise. I want her to try and do different things, I am happy to help but what I detest is hypocrisy. The house is a mess but I am instructed rudely to clear the breakfast table; tidiness is not a strongpoint but our son is told off in no uncertain terms about his room. These double standards are what I cannot stand and just get on my nerves: do not lecture me when you are not a paragon yourself.
A couple of Mondays ago, she told me that she was going to go into the city to meet a friend and that I should be back by 6pm or so from work. No problem with that; I said I would cook my own dinner knowing that that is what I would have to do anyway.
But I get home to find that even our son's dinner is not ready, the dishes that were in the sink from the previous day are still there, photographs that ought to have been printed for school have not been, he hasn't had his evening shower and so on and so on. What had she been doing all day given that our son was at school? I can make a guess.
I really am at my wit's end. I do not know how to improve things without being direct and I do not want to be direct. At least I am not now taking out on my son - just on this blog.
Most of the day - a Saturday - I play with our son; homework, piano practice, lunch, model making etc.. Most of the day she fiddles around and does Facebook. But, then, 10:30 pm or so, she comes upstairs with a packing for a birthday present. No doubt she considers that she has been very busy and can ONLY do this so late but, in reality, that is not the case.
And, in a way, it doesn't matter as I do not want her to be a traditional housewife - even if my blog suggests otherwise. I want her to try and do different things, I am happy to help but what I detest is hypocrisy. The house is a mess but I am instructed rudely to clear the breakfast table; tidiness is not a strongpoint but our son is told off in no uncertain terms about his room. These double standards are what I cannot stand and just get on my nerves: do not lecture me when you are not a paragon yourself.
A couple of Mondays ago, she told me that she was going to go into the city to meet a friend and that I should be back by 6pm or so from work. No problem with that; I said I would cook my own dinner knowing that that is what I would have to do anyway.
But I get home to find that even our son's dinner is not ready, the dishes that were in the sink from the previous day are still there, photographs that ought to have been printed for school have not been, he hasn't had his evening shower and so on and so on. What had she been doing all day given that our son was at school? I can make a guess.
I really am at my wit's end. I do not know how to improve things without being direct and I do not want to be direct. At least I am not now taking out on my son - just on this blog.
Saturday 12 November 2011
Entry 15: Where are the Adults ... and an untimely fart
Life continues to be quiet. The relationship is fine mostly but I can't help thinking that we are still on something of a knife-edge.
Friday evening and I was really tired. I had done my usual finishing up the son's meal, reading him a story and putting him to bed - followed by a late dinner. Work has been stressful of late as at my grade there is 50% redundancy round ongoing and I had my survival interview this week - but it's not just me I have to be concerned about and try to help, it is also my team.
So by 9:30 pm I was ready to turn in. 'Sleep on my side of the bed as I want to read.' (this is due to the fact that I bought a bedside lamp which she always criticises but it's been two years and more and she has not got around to buying one herself.) 'Ok.' And then she proceeded to fart. So I said - joke angrily - that I wished she hand't done that as I was about to sleep on that side; at which point she accused me of being grumpy.
I rang a friend of mine this evening and was told subsequently that my voice sounded cheery when speaking to someone else but not when at home.
I wanted to respond - but didn't - that it's all about returns to a large extent. This friend has always been kind and is always happy to talk: I give friendship and I receive value back. At home I always appear to give but get little back other than criticism and stubbornness. Just a neutral response would be fine - I don't need thanks.
Our house, overall, continues to be a mess. The marked wall in the dining room is still there, the lights have not been changed, we do not have a china cupboard or a bathroom closet and the rooms remain with their original decor - plus the bedside lamp has not been bought. I could fix all of those but it is her job to look after the house and - in any case - my taste will not be liked. She has tonnes of time to do Facebook, to watch BBC iPlayer and videos and go out with her friends and shopping but not to improve the environment we live in. I don't like it but am prepared to wait and will certainly not instruct.
Oi vey - why are there so few adults in this world?
Friday evening and I was really tired. I had done my usual finishing up the son's meal, reading him a story and putting him to bed - followed by a late dinner. Work has been stressful of late as at my grade there is 50% redundancy round ongoing and I had my survival interview this week - but it's not just me I have to be concerned about and try to help, it is also my team.
So by 9:30 pm I was ready to turn in. 'Sleep on my side of the bed as I want to read.' (this is due to the fact that I bought a bedside lamp which she always criticises but it's been two years and more and she has not got around to buying one herself.) 'Ok.' And then she proceeded to fart. So I said - joke angrily - that I wished she hand't done that as I was about to sleep on that side; at which point she accused me of being grumpy.
I rang a friend of mine this evening and was told subsequently that my voice sounded cheery when speaking to someone else but not when at home.
I wanted to respond - but didn't - that it's all about returns to a large extent. This friend has always been kind and is always happy to talk: I give friendship and I receive value back. At home I always appear to give but get little back other than criticism and stubbornness. Just a neutral response would be fine - I don't need thanks.
Our house, overall, continues to be a mess. The marked wall in the dining room is still there, the lights have not been changed, we do not have a china cupboard or a bathroom closet and the rooms remain with their original decor - plus the bedside lamp has not been bought. I could fix all of those but it is her job to look after the house and - in any case - my taste will not be liked. She has tonnes of time to do Facebook, to watch BBC iPlayer and videos and go out with her friends and shopping but not to improve the environment we live in. I don't like it but am prepared to wait and will certainly not instruct.
Oi vey - why are there so few adults in this world?
Monday 10 October 2011
Entry 14: Going well - keeping my head down
Back now since the end of August and things are going well.
We are back having sex again and the relationship is harmonious. The enforced break of the holidays seems to have done us some good. And why should things not be going well? I've booked a five star hotel in Venice for the end of October, we've bought a new car, she has bought an Apple Mac and we have booked our Christmas holidays.
The procrastination and lack of time management goes on. I got home today at about 6:30 and the son was half-way through dinner. Our dinner hadn't even been started, clothes were still hanging out in the garden when it was dark. So I gave him some water to go with the meal, gave him a shower, read him a book and put him to bed. Then cleaned his shoes, cleared out our shower drain, took the dry clothes upstairs and dropped the rubbish in the bin. Dinner is now just about ready and it's 2030. Given that I am trying to lose weight and really do not eat very much during the day, I am starving and crotchety - but the frustration is coming out here rather than in a quarrel.
We are back having sex again and the relationship is harmonious. The enforced break of the holidays seems to have done us some good. And why should things not be going well? I've booked a five star hotel in Venice for the end of October, we've bought a new car, she has bought an Apple Mac and we have booked our Christmas holidays.
The procrastination and lack of time management goes on. I got home today at about 6:30 and the son was half-way through dinner. Our dinner hadn't even been started, clothes were still hanging out in the garden when it was dark. So I gave him some water to go with the meal, gave him a shower, read him a book and put him to bed. Then cleaned his shoes, cleared out our shower drain, took the dry clothes upstairs and dropped the rubbish in the bin. Dinner is now just about ready and it's 2030. Given that I am trying to lose weight and really do not eat very much during the day, I am starving and crotchety - but the frustration is coming out here rather than in a quarrel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)