Entry 15: Where are the Adults ... and an untimely fart

Life continues to be quiet. The relationship is fine mostly but I can't help thinking that we are still on something of a knife-edge.

Friday evening and I was really tired. I had done my usual finishing up the son's meal, reading him a story and putting him to bed - followed by a late dinner. Work has been stressful of late as at my grade there is 50% redundancy round ongoing and I had my survival interview this week - but it's not just me I have to be concerned about and try to help, it is also my team.

So by 9:30 pm I was ready to turn in. 'Sleep on my side of the bed as I want to read.' (this is due to the fact that I bought a bedside lamp which she always criticises but it's been two years and more and she has not got around to buying one herself.) 'Ok.' And then she proceeded to fart. So I said - joke angrily - that I wished she hand't done that as I was about to sleep on that side; at which point she accused me of being grumpy.

I rang a friend of mine this evening and was told subsequently that my voice sounded cheery when speaking to someone else but not when at home.

I wanted to respond - but didn't - that it's all about returns to a large extent. This friend has always been kind and is always happy to talk: I give friendship and I receive value back. At home I always appear to give but get little back other than criticism and stubbornness. Just a neutral response would be fine - I don't need thanks.

Our house, overall, continues to be a mess. The marked wall in the dining room is still there, the lights have not been changed, we do not have a china cupboard or a bathroom closet and the rooms remain with their original decor - plus the bedside lamp has not been bought. 

I could fix all of those but it is her job to look after the house she says and - in any case - my taste will not be liked. She has tonnes of time to do Facebook, to watch BBC iPlayer and videos and go out with her friends and shopping but not to improve the environment we live in. I don't like it but am prepared to wait and will certainly not instruct.

Oi vey - why are there so few adults in this world?