183: A model

Many years ago, perhaps 2004, I was flying back from India and this young mother and her toddler daughter were sitting right behind me. This was before my wife and I had had our son.

The mother and I got chatting and we exchanged numbers at the airport. A few months later, she and her husband and daughter came over for lunch. Over time, we became friends as families - they were Indian too and we even met up in Kolkata when we happened to be there at the same time.

The connection weakened a little bit as our son is not very social and as he grew up so the 'gender apartheid' kicked in. Also, while I have many woman friends, in this case she and my wife took up the friendship role - and while I very much liked the husband, he was not that social.

We had not seen them for a long while but happened to be driving past the a few weekends ago and, at my instigation, my wife sent a message to ask if we could pop in. The response was immediate and we stopped by.

Turns out, the couple have separated and he has been living in another place for the last year. 

On the face of it, they had everything going for them. Both professionals, lots of shared background, good kids ...

We did not know about this at all and I felt sad that we had not been able to support either / both of them - just to talk.

It appears to be amicable and very 'grown up'. According to her, he was always really married to the job and struggled with the family life. And they mutually agreed to separate. They live close to each other and he continues to play a good part in the kids' lives.

The ins and outs do not matter. There appears to have been an understanding and, presumably, some adult conversations.

I suppose that this could be something of a model for me? The mother and I were the 'original' friends - as I pointed out to her in a subsequent note - and I may well go to her for advice and some sharing of experience.

I do not know if I will ever build up the momentum to leave but it is good to know that others can have grown up conversations, understanding each other's weaknesses and moving on with as little damage as possible.