The peaceful world continues.
Our son is doing well and appears content. His relationship with
his mother is much more playful now and she is far less attacking – no more
five days in a row coming back to a crying child.
Recently, my mother broke her hip while visiting home. As my
wife also had issues to clear up for her family, she has gone back to the
Mother Country to help out for a week or so. She has done a fantastic job
cheering everyone up and being practical and useful. This is the person
everyone loves and mostly what people see; it is only that our son and I had
gotten used to a different person at home.
I am doing my bit by taking care to spend time with her in the
evenings, participating in buying presents, going out to posh restaurants on
special days such as birthdays and Valentines. We are affectionate and it is
genuine, at least from my side.
But, and we have not had this conversation face to face, I still
cannot trust or forget everything that was said. I continue to believe that all
that anger and seething resentment is still there and ready to explode at some
point. All it needs is my mentioning a name, saying something critical, her
reading an e-mail. I may be wrong.
And, you know, it is not about blame. I am way past that. I have
done wrong, she has done wrong and we have also done both things right –
neither of us owes anything to the other; my issue has always been about
continually her wanting more and my closing down as a result.
Finally, it is about compatibility, a view of life and control.
She and I are just very different. Somehow, she needs to ‘grow’ so that we are
able to drift apart rather than be bound. I look at my parents and other
couples and know that I would be better off alone. I have no one else, I have
not succumbed to what someone termed the ‘myth of the perfect other.’ I may
just be a person better off alone.
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