We have had a very pleasant holiday and it has been sweetness and light all around. Our son has some very important exams coming up in the next few days but there has been little tension and he has been able to enjoy the holidays as well as doing some work. Overall, very good.
But three little sentences really continue to give the game away in my opinion.
She has her birthday coming up in the first week of January. I have booked a very expensive restaurant.
Last year, in the middle of the traumatic period, where there was no question of buying anything for each other, I suggested £600 each for Christmas and birthday presents which we could spend as we pleased for ourselves and on ourselves.
So, this year she buys me a fleece and a shirt that I don’t really want.
She is also looking to buy sports clothing and looking and comparing tops. ‘Which one shall I buy?’ ‘Buy both,’ I say ‘and take it as a birthday present.’
‘No! I am not letting you get away with that level of effort in buying me a birthday present!’
So, we have just traipsed around London buying her a present, just as we did with her Christmas present a couple of weeks ago. I am happy to do this – not everyone is ok with going out and getting something themselves. But this expression of ‘letting you get away’ got my goat – though I did not react in any way. Again, it is about obeisance and control.
The other sentence came when we were having a heavy discussion on identity, being an immigrant, the difference between being different because of class and / or nationality with my brother and sister-in-law. Talking about friendships and such and she says, ‘And I rely on real people – I do not spend hours on Facebook.’ Even if unintended, this came across as a direct dig at my sister-in-law as she is a very active Facebook user and corresponds in that way with a wide network of friends. The irony is that my wife also spends hours on Facebook – contributing hardly at all but viewing other people’s profiles all the time. This casual insulting of others is a trait.
My sister-in-law again – whom she had called for a reason I forget. ‘G. sounded really tired. Clearly does not organise herself. I know she works but it is ordered work which can be planned.’ This is ironic given that my wife does not ‘work’ but washing and cooking (we have a cleaner) is often late and work continues till 10 pm when it has no need to. This incident happened to be with my sister-in-law but could have been with anyone – judging of others without looking in the mirror.
I sometimes feel as if I am being harsh in not feeling softness and warmth and continuing to feel cold but these little reminders show me how different I believe we really are.
No comments:
Post a Comment