99 – A Dramatic Turnaround

It is now September but let’s go back to the beginning of June. Things have been civil, I am doing my own food, washing etc. and sleeping in another room.

I go away for a week-end of golf with my friends – our 18^th year!!

I receive a text on the Sunday that she will pick me up from the station on my return. I ask her not to bother – she insists and so I say ‘ok’.

Very pleasant.

Another week passes – nothing dramatic.

Coming up to Father’s Day and I am taking our son and two of his mates to a gorilla sanctuary where we will be given a behind-the-scenes tour thanks to one of my friends.

On the Saturday night she comes into my room and says, ‘Look, I’ve been thinking hard. And I have come to the conclusion that all of it is my fault. I have been pushing you and pushing you and I have not been reasonable.

‘I know it will not be easy to forgive and forget but come back to the room, eat with us and try.’

She repeats all of this the next evening. As you may imagine, this is late at night, I am working, and I am shocked. All I can say is ‘thank you’ and ‘I need to think about it.’ Even the next day, having had to go into work early, feeling that I need to acknowledge the issue in some way, all I can write is, ‘Dear M, thank you for what you said yesterday evening. It was a bit of a shock and, clearly, we do need to speak about it. But, can you give me some time? I am also undertaking counselling at the moment – on a 1:1 – and need to think this through.’

Her response:

‘Sorry for shocking you last night.  Honestly I meant every word I said and I have thought it through.  I understand you will need the time so there is no hurry...’

Me: ‘shocking’ in a good way …!

Her: ha ha..  take your time..  I will be there..

The pleasantness has continued. She spoke to one of her friend’s mum who is an amateur astrologer and told me that she had said that her ‘best connection’ was with me. She is far better behaved with our son, everything pleasant at home for the moment. She applied for a couple of jobs but has not yet been successful; she is, though, starting a volunteering role.

Have I gone back to her and told her what I am thinking?

I am sorry to say, I have not. Perhaps that is because I am still confused. Perhaps it is because I do not want to take a position and be too ‘clean’ in responding.

We have tried to get back to ‘normal.’ Planning holidays together. Even tried to make love but, how can I put it, despite trying, I have not reached climax. Is there still a hang-up there?

I think I know how I feel but that is for another post.

Some sort of stasis – how long?