Entry 2: 11 years - tired, tired, tired

Went to bed last night after the first entry. She turned away - the silent treatment continues. Well, fuck you .... or not, to be more accurate.

A Saturday.

Today milady woke up at 1045. I had been up since 7:30 am with our 5 year old, given him breakfast, played a little, was getting the morning bath ready. Then came lunch preparation while she focused on Facebook.

Before you ask it, no, she does not have a job other than that of being a mother. Her choice - she told me off once for suggesting that she might consider going back and I haven't tried since. As a mother she is wonderful, as a wife.....?

I get home from work and I start a second shift. Feed our son - often preparing the dinner as well - bathe him/shower, read two stories and put to bed.

In the meantime, cooking for our meal - I am not allowed as I have been deemed incompetent - has started at 8. Eat at 9 and collapse at 10. For some reason it is only then that washing can be put up and that is followed by 'oh, I have so much work'- what was wrong with the whole day (or at least from 9 till 2:30?)
But the point is, mostly, I do not mind. From the birth of our son, I have done the waking up at nights. 99% of days I have been home between 6:30 and 7 for the evening meal and sleep. When the cleaner is unwell, I do the bathroom and the ironing; it was me recently who ironed from 9 till 10 and then studied from 10 till midnight as her cousin was coming and clothes and sheets had piled up.

In the early years before cleaners, I would do the vacuuming, toilet cleaning and ironing. And, of course, I didn't mind - that is just part of life.

I am tired, tired, tired. 11 years of being patient, 11 years of second guessing her moods, 11 years of clutching at the patches of good humour, 11 years of worrying what she will think, 11 years of being belittled.

Entry 1: Walking Cliche

What can I say? I am a walking cliche. 42 years old, a middle manger in a large organisation in a large city. Married, one child (private school), a terraced house and just over a £90k salary. Leave the house at 7:45 am and come back at 7 pm.

Life has stopped those critical few of significant success but all three of us are healthy, we have good friends and loving families. We should be happy because we have much of what we could possibly want and yet, we are miserable.

Married 11 years and I am just so tired.

My wife is a highly educated and vibrant young woman. She worked in her early years, then had to give up for a couple of years as we moved to Paris in 2001 for my work. Even there, through my work, she did a couple of assignments. 

I could understand the frustrations and felt guilty. So, we agreed that we would both look for work in the UK and whoever got it first would move over and the other would follow. She got a job in London in, I think, 2003 and then I went to the CEO and asked to move and took redundancy and moved over myself in 2004.

In 2005 she said it would be good to have a child. I am much more of a baby person than she but I asked her whether she really wanted one. I had married her for her and not some future child. What was good for her? Because, inevitably, the lower earner makes the initial commitment to childcare.

We had our wonderful son in 2005. She gave up work, deliberately asked to find an apartment as far away from my parents as possible - hers are in India - and, over the years, has refused to entertain having baby sitters and continues not to work. Which is all fine - her decisions and I support without comment.

Since 2009 our son has been in full-time school - 9 am till 3:30 pm.

I have always been able to be a fully supportive father and husband. I did the night-feeds as she needed her sleep, cut his hair, did his nails and much, much more. I say that not as if I am exceptional but simply as what should be expected from a partner. I play a full part in the housework with ironing, cooking and looking after our son.

I don't mind starting a second shift when I get back from work. What I do mind is the constant anger and unhappiness and stress that I get in return.