172: Happy New Year - at the end of 2021

Here we are, December 31st, 2021.

A year of Coronavirus - today is New Year's Eve and I wonder what the new year will bring.

Home life is ok with occasional eruptions of the volcano.

Our son is in his big year of public exams (GCSE) and he did very well in his practice exams - except for one paper in English Literature in which he was very poor.

These things happen but, of course, for a while it was as if the sky had fallen in.

But, then, we spoke to the teacher, understood the situation, he did a re-test and there was calm. She also appreciated how well he had done in the others and how he had shown resilience in performing well in the others when Eng. Lit. had been his first exam.

So, why, I asked her, could she not hold off on the anger - why erupt first and row back later rather than take the time to understand, reflect and coach?

But, overall, it has been fine. And so, what I am about to write may well come across as petty.

Close friends were coming to dinner on NYE. Generally I like to contribute to these things and, in the past, have often done all the cooking.

This time she decided she would make all the dishes and not allow me to do anything. Now, I can cook but I am no cook - and I do not have the patience for recipes. So, the unspoken message was that I do not cook very well and that the only way I could be useful would be to take the rubbish out and lay the table. And, even there, there was micro-managing.

Is that being unnecessarily conspiratorial? No.

When I have cooked everything, she has laid the table and all and I have not micro-managed as we had a division of responsibility.

Did she say, 'look, you have cooked the last couple of times, I will do it this time.' No, it was clear that I am rubbish and the best thing I could do would be to step aside.

I can handle that - no problem. And I see no need to fight against it - her choice.

The last bit to do was to make the rice. I suggested a measure - a certain number of handfuls per person. 'No, just let me do it.' 'ok,' I said. Clearly I could not even get that right!!

It seemed very likely to me that she was over-estimating and, in the end, there was way, way too much rice. Of course I did not say, 'I told you so' - though I would have been told in the reverse scenario.

So, in small things and large, I let go, I do not push, I do not counter the aggression when it comes - except when it might damage our son.

Therefore, while life is peaceable enough, I am reminded most weeks of what life could be without the stress of drama. And the desire to escape remains.

PS January 3rd: Dinner this evening. I had suggested I make a dish using some of the rice. 'I will make risotto.'

I go to tidy up a little and wash the dishes in the sink. 'Just do what I tell you to do.'

Well, you know, if I am that useless, just increases the argument for her to be better of alone!!