It's been really quite pleasant lately.
Now that travel has opened up partly as Covid eases a little (perhaps), she flew off to India to see her parents and brother - which she had not been able to do for almost two years.
Good mood on return, no aggro. with our son. A few days before she left she was quite bitchy about some topic to our son - I forget the topic - but he seems to be able to shake it off. I had been more upset by it and been sulky for a few days as a result.
So, yesterday she stomps upstairs and berates me outrageously for not having locked the back door. My fault entirely and not the first time, I have to admit. But the criticism is bordering on vicious. I do not debate, I do not apologise, I just stay silent.
In the past, I have pointed out that she has left the keys in the front door all night - sometimes I have not mentioned it - but I have never admonished in the tone that should, by now, be familiar to me. As if I had deliberately left the door unlocked and what a complete and utter incompetent for having done so.
When she has messed up in some way - as we all do - in the past, I have from time to time joked whether I should scold - yes, scold - her as she would us, just to make the point that anger is not always required or justified.
In the end I went to bed telling myself off for the amnesia that I appear to be guilty of all the time. Not for my not locking a door but her ability to be vicious and superior and just all round dramatic and unpleasant. Why do I forget? Why do I - after a small amount of sulking - genuinely overlook the faults and am pleasant and playful?
That was last evening - this morning it was all bright and chirpy and good morning. The bitchiness never happened. It is as if I should forget all those moments of unpleasantness and rudeness and just live in the moment. How does someone do that? Tear a strip off and then carry on as if it didn't matter / never happened. The Confrontation story again. How does anyone even speak to another like that? No one has the right to speak in that fashion - but it is in her nature.
Well, if we are to stay together, there is no point in being unpleasant I suppose. But I am tired, so very tired - and angry for my naivete in forgetting / believing in something better.
My situation is dire but not threatening. But is it parallel in some small way to an environment of harm? 'This time it will be different, this time we have turned a corner...', except that we never do,
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