126: Ok but constant reminders

No big news to report.

Good summer with two holidays and peaceful at home.

During the week I am sleeping in another room in order to get a good night’s sleep – where there had been objection before from her, there now seems acceptance.

But a few small incidents which provide insight into character:

‘the credit card bill is small this month – just £1700.’ ‘Just?!!’, I exclaim. ‘Well, there are some exceptionals and so in reality about a 1000.’ Still no idea of what money really is!!

I brought our son home from his karate class and immediately she hauled him up on how he had been late in the morning, yada yada yada – and in that loud strident voice of her’s. He just nodded, raised his eyebrows at me and went off. The other day he asked her why she is always complaining? If not careful, that is the memory he will retain of his mother – always complaining.

This from the woman who does not go out to work, I collected him to save her time and cooking was not done until 8 and kitchen was a mess – which meant clearing up (that I was not allowed to do because she does believe that she needs to do this though I offer all the time) till 9:30 pm.

Monday evenings we try and watch a show together – starting at 9. She came up at 9:30, stared at her phone all the way through. How is all of that role modelling good behaviour?

Another day she said that it was my family that was always strident about a private school education. This from the woman who was determined that our son should change school and that, if he didn’t, how would I like it if he were surrounded by South Asians as they flooded the school he remains in.

And the comments continue about why I did not share a house when starting off my working life, why I stayed at home through university, why I have never worn jeans – just this constant drip, drip, drip of patronising advice.

I am just so tired of that strident voice and the hypocritical instructions.

We went to visit some friends last week. They are similar to us in terms of race, the wife was a university friend of mine and the husband and I both struggle. He and I had a good chat some years ago and had another one last week. He is seriously thinking about whether he can cope with her in the long term and they have a feisty relationship overall. But at least she works and he is away half the year for his work – so he ‘owes’ her a lot as she has brought up their son pretty much on her own. But her son is also considerably closer to him as she is also always nagging away.

We came to the conclusion that both our wives simply do not know how to be happy. Continuously, it is a hankering after something else instead of appreciating what we have. There was this article in the newspaper - https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/09/age-envy-be-happy-everyone-else-perfect-social-media - about envy arising from other people’s seemingly perfect lives. My wife certainly browses Facebook a lot but hardly ever posts – that cannot be healthy.