As evening turned to dusk, so we talked about life and stuff.
The one in France had married a French guy, divorced, lived with another and been forced to, essentially, run away - then married a great Scottish guy (who was divorced and, indeed, a grandfather, himself) and now appears to be content in her personal life and they have a lovely 7 year old daughter.
Another married her sweetheart from age 16, they had a daughter (now 16) and then he ran away when their child was 1 - with someone he met at FriendsReunited! My friend then married an Irish guy with whom she has two further kids.
The third worked her way through a number of relationships - some that may be considered 'rebellious' as she is Jewish. Then married a Jewish guy somewhat older than her and has a 9 year old son.
The details are not to identify but how varied people are.
And I, of course, have my own story.
One of my friends texted the next day to say that the dinner conversations could have formed the content of a Woody Allen film!
As I relate that line to other friends, that is true of virtually everyone. The four of us are ordinary people trying to live ordinary lives, but things get added to our lives like lego pieces or fall on us like dust and there is little that may be called simple.
Can I continue the metaphor further? Can we be the 'wall' that the proverbial jelly falls off of and retain who we are while dealing with the vicissitudes of life or do we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and break down.
And, of course, these are first world problems. Floating across the Mediterranean in search of a better life, scraping of rubbish heaps to earn money - those are problems. Us? Unless they are medical and tragic, we make them but can't always unmake.
Don't mean to intrude on your personal journal, but I couldn't help reading it. (In my defense, this blog randomly showed up, and it is public). I wasn't going to comment, but I just had to. (I wrote this whole essay piece on your blog to talk to you about/comment on here, thats how much it touched me. But I figured that'd be a little too much). But I just had to say two things: 1. I don't think you should beat yourself up. You talk so negatively about yourself, which is a big part of me posting this comment. I hate seeing that. You've lived in a negative environment for so long that I can see why you would lose self confidence, but from where I'm sitting, all I see is a charming man who's incredibly self sufficient and dedicated to anything he puts his mind to, whether it be family and friends, work or personal activities (like your gym, golf, and cricket.) From what I can see, you don't neglect any part of your life, and I think that alone should make you feel very proud in yourself and your accomplishments. Not many people can boast about that, and thats something I greatly admire, because its a constant struggle to juggle everything. ... 2. I realize you're holding on to your marriage because of your child, but I don't think thats helping anyone (emotionally), not yourself and certainly not your kid. Note that living in an a stressful/hostile environment will have more of an impact on that child than having divorced parents. (Speaking as someone who's friend's parents arranged a situation very similar to yours, living in separate rooms and barely speaking. I had two friends go through this, and neither enjoyed the experience, because they said they had to walk on eggshells while they were home.) Basically, you're setting up the same environment for your child as you are experiencing now. Kids seem to pick up on things really fast.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comments and I apologise for the time it has taken me to respond.
DeleteThings are going well at home and have been for the last year. Our son's relationship with his mother is much better and also her's with mine. Life is peaceable.
However, I haven't forgotten all that has been said and I struggle to believe that anyone can turn around 180 degrees as my wife appears to have done.
I am making an effort also through lunches and presents and it is even 'fun' but ... though it may be unfair, I cannot forget.
Anyway, thank you for reading and your comment.
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