Entry 29: Now, let's see....

Now, let's see.

The week-end and Monday just gone - now that I am in trouble again.

Saturday, I go to the gym for an hour and, of course, am not allowed to interfere in the homework being done when I get back.

No food at home and so I am despatched to the supermarket and prepare lunch. At the last minute.

My son and I are forced to accompany her to the shops - why can't that be done in the week - and then I am told off for not chatting to her in the kitchen when I look for some time on my own. I react but do not argue.

Sunday, I supervise our son's breakfast, shower and getting ready before going to the gym and before she has deigned to get out of bed. We are supposed to be going out for lunch at a friend's and have promised to arrive for 1230. She is not ready though she had nothing to do and we leave at 1220 - arriving an hour late.

Come home, we are too full to eat but prepare dinner for our son, clear up, read and put to bed. Then do ironing which has piled up while she primarily does Facebook or whatever. Though makes a great drama about arranging books and kits for son's school on the Monday.

Monday she takes our son to a party in the evening and so I come home and clear the dishwasher and get the dinner ready for our son. Oh - in the meantime - she and I have met up in town and gone out for a meal at an expensive restaurant.

Do I get any thanks at any point all the way through?

So who is taking whom for granted? I am always criticised for not paying enough attention to what I wear but she spends the whole day in her pyjamas and not showered. So, I could argue, everything is aimed at external and she is callous towards her own. All surface and what others think.

I give up - this time I genuinely do. There is no logic, there is rationale - it is all about the moment and what she is feeling at that moment.

The other day, our son said that he would not share his sweets with her. But I said that your mum takes you everywhere, does everything for you, surely you should share? 'She takes you here and she takes you there.' To which he responds, 'she scolds me here, scolds me there....'

Nuff said.

My big fear is that her only job becomes - or becomes even more - controlling us.

Too tired, just too tired.

xx