So, our son is home this week because if school being closed; it was also closed last week and we went on holiday.
They were late home and so I thought - fair enough - I should contribute more as her days are not her own for a week.
Cleared the dishwasher, brought in the clothes, loaded the dishwasher - any thanks? You have got to be kidding.
Thursday 31 October 2013
Tuesday 29 October 2013
Entry 27: Oh dear...
So... we've just come back from a very nice holiday in a very nice hotel in a very nice part of the world. We have eaten at two posh restaurants lately. All should be well.
Yesterday evening I mention that I am going out for an evening with some work colleagues - which I do about once a month I guess. Initially I am met with a reasonable reaction but then, it is, 'you always go out with your friends, never with me. When your parents get back we are going out to the cinema or the theatre.' Clearly she is angry.
I, on the other hand, am just fed up.
I would have thought that my credit rating would be reasonably high right now. And going out when my parents are around is always a possibility.
But there is a bigger picture here.
She is the one who wanted to live as far as possible from my parents as possible - without leaving the city. She is the one who has never wanted to use a childminder/babysitter despite several encouragements from me. She is the one who does not make the time to go to classes or groups or whatever to create a circle of friends other than school - though I have suggested this several times. And she is the one who has decided not to work.
The rest of the nonsense continues. Typically the housework - clearing the dishwasher, replacing with the dirty dishes, organising the washing - is never done during the day. The week before last, for example, none of the above was done, then came cooking for the evening and, instead of clearing up while I put our son to bed, she went on to Facebook/e-mail; resulting in not finishing the work until 1 am.
Happened again yesterday and I offered to clear up but was rebuffed.
A couple of weeks ago, yes, while supervising piano practice, I did leave my (empty) coffee cup upstairs. Her comment was, 'HOW COULD you do that?' The irony of her leaving the cordless phone in the same room the next day and missing a call was lost on her.
The gas fire was on low simmer and she left it on when taking off the rice - something I had done also and been reprimanded for quite rightly. The fact that she did it also was 'just one of those things' and, indeed, her initial reaction was to suggest that I had been at fault again.
I know I should let this just wash over me. I know that I must not be disturbed by it all. But I can't. I care. I try to do the right things but all I get is a set of harsh returns.
Am very tired and do not know what to do. I have tried explanation, have tried logic, have tried acceptance and ignoring but nothing works.
Very, very tired.....
Yesterday evening I mention that I am going out for an evening with some work colleagues - which I do about once a month I guess. Initially I am met with a reasonable reaction but then, it is, 'you always go out with your friends, never with me. When your parents get back we are going out to the cinema or the theatre.' Clearly she is angry.
I, on the other hand, am just fed up.
I would have thought that my credit rating would be reasonably high right now. And going out when my parents are around is always a possibility.
But there is a bigger picture here.
She is the one who wanted to live as far as possible from my parents as possible - without leaving the city. She is the one who has never wanted to use a childminder/babysitter despite several encouragements from me. She is the one who does not make the time to go to classes or groups or whatever to create a circle of friends other than school - though I have suggested this several times. And she is the one who has decided not to work.
The rest of the nonsense continues. Typically the housework - clearing the dishwasher, replacing with the dirty dishes, organising the washing - is never done during the day. The week before last, for example, none of the above was done, then came cooking for the evening and, instead of clearing up while I put our son to bed, she went on to Facebook/e-mail; resulting in not finishing the work until 1 am.
Happened again yesterday and I offered to clear up but was rebuffed.
A couple of weeks ago, yes, while supervising piano practice, I did leave my (empty) coffee cup upstairs. Her comment was, 'HOW COULD you do that?' The irony of her leaving the cordless phone in the same room the next day and missing a call was lost on her.
The gas fire was on low simmer and she left it on when taking off the rice - something I had done also and been reprimanded for quite rightly. The fact that she did it also was 'just one of those things' and, indeed, her initial reaction was to suggest that I had been at fault again.
I know I should let this just wash over me. I know that I must not be disturbed by it all. But I can't. I care. I try to do the right things but all I get is a set of harsh returns.
Am very tired and do not know what to do. I have tried explanation, have tried logic, have tried acceptance and ignoring but nothing works.
Very, very tired.....
Monday 7 October 2013
Entry 26: A Maudling Post
All been pretty samey since my wife and son returned from holiday. We are now in the swing and routine of school and work.
The irritations continue. One Sunday she and the boy were due to leave the house at 10:30/10:45. I woke up, got breakfast, ensure he was showered and ready for a quarter to ten. Then I had to leave for the gym - something I try to do on a regular basis. All she had to to do was get ready herself and they did not leave till 1130.
Suitcases were left all around the sitting room for more than a month after their return from holiday.
Some positive feedback. On the day they went out, I did a bunch of ironing and cooking and was actually thanked.
Then, yesterday, I came home from the gym at 1230 and neither had showered though she had said we would be going out in the afternoon. Homework had been completed, however. She was on the phone ordering some jeans and 1230 turned to 1.
'Shall I get the spaghetti going?'
'No, I will.'
1 turns to 1:15 and she is still in front of the PC.
I finally turn on the water and go to shower and change out of my gym clothes.
I come down and she is still on the effing PC - doing nothing that could not be done in the week. 'Will you do the spaghetti?' she finally says.
Sounds small and petty as I write this but - really - the complete lack of time management is irritating in the extreme. Once more, she took the ironing to my parents' place and I did suggest that she could do that work in the week rather than stressing out on the week-end. 'The week is when I rest,' was the response. Really? When I take almost all the load on the weekends and in the evenings ... and usually do all the ironing anyway because the spaghetti scenario is repeated time and again?
I was reading an article in the newspaper last week-end where a writer called Hanif Khureishi was writing about a film of his called Le Week End. It is about age and marriage.
I can recall a student of mine, a woman in her mid-40s, telling me a long, moving story about being 'awakened' emotionally, sexually and intellectually, when she fell in love with a friend of her husband.
What the adulterer usually wants is better relationships, conversation, support, attention, pleasure. Her question is: how can we get what we want while behaving well, which means, at least, not being asjamed of ourselves?
My student didn't wish for anything like 'total liberation' - a revolution, a new social set-up - just for a satisfying marriage. And it is worth noting about the classic heroines of literature, Anna Karenina or Madame Bovary, or even the characters in the David Lean's Brief Encounter, that they are not compulsive transgressors. They are asking for very little, and for everything, which, for them, is a fuller, more satisfying love. Complete happiness is a fiction, but some happiness is possible; indeed, it is essential. There are some people you can 'realise' yourself in relation to, and they are worth searching out.
The above encapsulates what I tried to describe in one of my earlier posts. Home is where each of us - partner, husband, wife, son and daughter - has the right to find the greatest support; the springboard to deal with the world outside. And yet, too often, home is where we are judged the most and taken most advantage of. When will we grow up?
Of course I have not had an affair but there are friends around me who give me the value and comfort that I need - and I am grateful for that.
The irritations continue. One Sunday she and the boy were due to leave the house at 10:30/10:45. I woke up, got breakfast, ensure he was showered and ready for a quarter to ten. Then I had to leave for the gym - something I try to do on a regular basis. All she had to to do was get ready herself and they did not leave till 1130.
Suitcases were left all around the sitting room for more than a month after their return from holiday.
Some positive feedback. On the day they went out, I did a bunch of ironing and cooking and was actually thanked.
Then, yesterday, I came home from the gym at 1230 and neither had showered though she had said we would be going out in the afternoon. Homework had been completed, however. She was on the phone ordering some jeans and 1230 turned to 1.
'Shall I get the spaghetti going?'
'No, I will.'
1 turns to 1:15 and she is still in front of the PC.
I finally turn on the water and go to shower and change out of my gym clothes.
I come down and she is still on the effing PC - doing nothing that could not be done in the week. 'Will you do the spaghetti?' she finally says.
Sounds small and petty as I write this but - really - the complete lack of time management is irritating in the extreme. Once more, she took the ironing to my parents' place and I did suggest that she could do that work in the week rather than stressing out on the week-end. 'The week is when I rest,' was the response. Really? When I take almost all the load on the weekends and in the evenings ... and usually do all the ironing anyway because the spaghetti scenario is repeated time and again?
I was reading an article in the newspaper last week-end where a writer called Hanif Khureishi was writing about a film of his called Le Week End. It is about age and marriage.
I can recall a student of mine, a woman in her mid-40s, telling me a long, moving story about being 'awakened' emotionally, sexually and intellectually, when she fell in love with a friend of her husband.
What the adulterer usually wants is better relationships, conversation, support, attention, pleasure. Her question is: how can we get what we want while behaving well, which means, at least, not being asjamed of ourselves?
My student didn't wish for anything like 'total liberation' - a revolution, a new social set-up - just for a satisfying marriage. And it is worth noting about the classic heroines of literature, Anna Karenina or Madame Bovary, or even the characters in the David Lean's Brief Encounter, that they are not compulsive transgressors. They are asking for very little, and for everything, which, for them, is a fuller, more satisfying love. Complete happiness is a fiction, but some happiness is possible; indeed, it is essential. There are some people you can 'realise' yourself in relation to, and they are worth searching out.
The above encapsulates what I tried to describe in one of my earlier posts. Home is where each of us - partner, husband, wife, son and daughter - has the right to find the greatest support; the springboard to deal with the world outside. And yet, too often, home is where we are judged the most and taken most advantage of. When will we grow up?
Of course I have not had an affair but there are friends around me who give me the value and comfort that I need - and I am grateful for that.
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