Life has been pretty pleasant. And it is at times like these that I feel silly for thinking that I should even be considering living apart. But then, little things happen which really are a reflection on major things and, I am convinced, build up over time.
I am on blood pressure tablets - and they can only be obtained under prescription. So, a guest came along, one of her relations, who had forgotten her blood pressure tablets. Without even discussing it with me or speaking to me, my wife gave six of my tablets to her guest. 'Oh you can always order your prescription early.'
Not an issue for me. But I can just imagine the ructions had I done the same. 'You are so callous!' 'No wonder the NHS is losing money.' 'How could you do this - do you have no sense?' .... and on and on and on.
It reminded me of more than twenty years ago when we were living in Delhi and I had come abroad for work. We had a company car and she let her brother - not an experienced driver - drive the car to a relation's house - and told me afterwards. Luckily nothing happened but there could have been severe insurance implications. I said nothing at the time because I found out only after the event. But who is the callous one.
Just today, our son was cooking - he is suddenly into it. He had made a little mess I suppose and it was all, 'I will have to clean it all - don't you have any sense - what is your problem.'
Earlier in the day he had been cooking as well and, as I had to go out for a while and would not be back before she returned from work, I had asked him to clear up after himself. 'I just cleaned up this afternoon,' he said. 'That's not cleaning was her retort.' What is the message you are sending? Anything you do is not good enough.
'You are very selfish. You have been cooking since I came back. I am hungry. It is very selfish.'
10 minutes later, it all kuchi-koo and 'thank you baby' .... unbelievable. I have said to her before that what I remember most of all of my mother - perhaps unfairly - is her anger; I remember good stuff as well! My wife should be careful that that is what our son remembers.
I do lose my temper with him - but very rarely. The other day he was being vague about breakfast and lunch - and she was haranguing as well which did not help my mood. I told him sharply that he could be more definitive. 'Yes' to this, 'no' to that or even 'not hungry, will skip lunch'. All are acceptable but please don't shrug and say 'don't know.' I apologised to him later for losing my temper but reiterated the point I was making - I should not have gotten angry.
We have more guests staying with us - her relations. They went out this morning and said they would do their washing this evening. I said they could use the dryer if they needed anything tomorrow morning.
'No, they can't use the dryer. I have cleaned it out. They should have organised themselves better.'
Her relations - she can sort it out.
Tiring, eh? Living with perfection.
