There is a continuity here from the previous post.
A couple of week-ends ago, while joshing around with friends in his room, our son had spilt quite a lot of fanta or some other drink on the floor. He had tried to clean up but had not done a very good job of it. Her anger was partly justified but it was all a bit dominating.
A couple of days later, he drops some more in the kitchen. I am upstairs and I can hear her SCREAMING at him. As a hint that this may have been a little over the top, I suggest that our neighbours would have heard her!! 'So, they did, so what?' was the response.
The following week-end was fine and pleasant.
This last week-end, after a very calm one, she started shouting at him on Sunday evening for what was or was not in his pencil case. On and on and on.
So, not in front of our son, I state clearly that what I remember most about my mother was her temper and her shouting and that if that is what she wants to leave as a legacy then 'carry on doing what you are doing.'
'That's between you and your mother. And our son is different from you,' she snapped back. But then, nothing, where I was ready for further debate.
What gets me almost as much as the noise and stress itself, is the hypocrisy. Yes, my mum could be harsh but when expecting high standards, she also delivered them herself. Everything was on time, the house was clean ... she worked hard, our father worked hard and she expected my brother and I to do so as well.
Here:
Have to leave the house for the school run at 7:45 am and she does not come down to make the packed lunch and have her coffee before 7:20 am. Our son also takes his time in the morning but as soon as she is done, is continually harangued.
He is told to tidy his room but her room has, for example, now had little sample bottles - of perfume, soap and stuff that she has taken from various hotel rooms - all over the floor for 3 days. Our lovely cleaner is coming tomorrow and so, no doubt, they will be cleared before then.
For the school drop, she has in the past taken her breakfast - stodgy cereal - in a bowl in a bag in the car.
And again, none of that matters if she were to apply the same standards to others as she does to herself. But she does not.
Consistency of character is an important point, isn't it? At work, with friends should not be a contrast to when the front door is closed. I imagine that there are folk who are 3 'different' people in each of those environments. She is one such - mixture of good and bad in all scenarios (like all of us) but some things like the anger and entitlement and micro-management and judgement and lazy generalisations and hectoring are not seen outside.
